Wednesday, April 4, 2012

"And so it goes"

Body soft, she waits.
Feeling only external in the waiting room.  Small wrists.  Busy brain.
Did black patent leather shoes sit in a similar room, 
feeling similar things 50 some odd years ago?


I think so.

The hallway doesn’t end.  I see trash all over the floor but as I approach, 
I find it’s not trash at all, but the pattern of a floor.  
Too many doors.  All walls empty.


The irony that there is a graveyard across the street is not lost on me.
Not lost on me. 


Lost me. 


2012

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

I think.

I think I might be able to pick myself back up and put back together again. 
I think. 
I think I might thrive and survive were you to remove yourself from me.  
I think.  
But I cannot guarantee myself this can happen and I smother in my own demise.  
I think I might stay broken this time.  
I think I’ve scattered to far to collected my aching pieces.  


2012

Oh please, I beg you.

Oh but you must.  Oh but you might.
Give me back the flesh of my soul. 
I’ve emptied out and poured into you.
My hollow hurting shell remains, remained to me a throbbing reminder
I try to fill back but I no longer posses the ingredients needed to whole myself again.
You do, you have, you are.  
I didn’t realize I’d seeped out until I suddenly couldn’t catch my breath, 
couldn’t breath in anything other than this darkness. 
Your presence pierced me through the bones and through the stars that make me both tangible and scattered dust. 
I scatter, I shatter I throb.  
You.  You.  I beat.  You.

2012

Friday, February 17, 2012

Scatter

I keep choosing the wrong soul shatterers, soul scatterers 
My soul is broken. Bloodless, cracked open.


I can't bear the weight of everything I want to do
that I'll never be able to
And all the things I don't want to do
that I'll have to


You might not take me with you
You might not take me with you


I don't want to be with me either.


Every time I am left bare
Laid there


My penance every lifetime.  


2012

Zero

I can relate to no one, no one can I relate to
I allow my loneliness, I become it
I find it becomes me
I wear it quite well
(better to embrace it than be trapped in my hell)


2012

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Never again.

Never.  Never again, I said.  


I sealed my fate and gave myself a lifetime of protection from never again.
But what nobody told me was that you'll unexpectedly find yourself with nerves exposed and heart laid bare. 


Oops.


Why? To self sabotage? To feel something again? 


Fuck.


I forgot the hurt.  I forgot how it hurts so good and opens my creative marrow.  
I forgot how this feels.  I forgot how deep the well of me runs.  I forgot the things I am capable of saying out loud and what it's like to hear those words spoken to me, for me.  Me.  Flesh and blood.  This is real.  


But it's not real.  It's not honestly real.  There are no such things as accidents.  What is it? And why? And why is it so good and bad? I agonize, I bubble up, I feel the weight of the world at once, once again.  And I know that from time to time I'll always secretly welcome taking it on.  


And perhaps at bottom, I wan't the one used at all...but you were.  Tricked into the role of my muse to fuel my soul and creativity once more.  Joke's on you.  


And that's how I survive it.  Every time. 




2012

9/11

You once ago knew the soul of a beautiful girl who gave herself to you. Who declared herself yours and chained to you the very marrow of her soul. Many deaths and many births and the cycle of a decade later she is still in wonder at the ghost world that once transpired.  On this day all she asks is to be thought of.  To be thought of.  Never needed hardly seen a lifetime or so removed but a simple thought to bring light to the present is what she asks today.  


2011