Ghostboy

ghost boy is haunting me.

i smell him on my pillow

i see him at the counter

i feel his silky hair

i sense him right beside me

i can hear him laugh

ghostboy is haunting me.

i can hear him chew his food

i sense him on the stairs

i see him on my sheets

i feel him in my shower

i smell him on my clothes

ghostboy is haunting me

i feel his arms around me

i smell him in my car

i see his shining eyes 

i hear him coming through the door

i sense his absence in all five senses

ghostboy.  either come back or get out.

ghostboy.  make me forget you ever existed 

or return to where you belong 

and make this whole again. 

2003

Two

there are two smoke signals

my lungs have clouded

they are the twin towers

(only these will stand for years to come 

and only crumble occasionally)

there are two hands

one to hold each city

but i see them freeze and crack and bleed

from the weight and from the pull

there is an apple where my heart once was

sometimes i think it might be rotting

(i think it started the day i traded it in

for my innocence)

there are two eyes and two feet

who tailor specifically to their two surroundings

there are two people in one body

(who will never be at peace)

there are two months left

until the one year anniversary 

of my two year stay 

of the one time i moved

into the second city i'd ever lived

(two should fit neatly into one)

but there are still two testaments to the holy bible

and still no balm in gilead

2003

Planes

What is it about the planes?

The clarity of planes that makes me pure.

Opens me and lets me flow. 

Reminds me to feel 

and makes my creativity so sensitive.

What happens in these frequent moments in the sky?

Is it the height, the weight, the juxtaposition, the clouds?

A confinement, closterphobic.

A focus on myself. Soley. My soul. 

My head. My mind. My heart.

I remind myself I am alive. 

I feel freedom here more so than anywhere else.

Maybe because I'm not anywhere else.

I'm at an in between. Not at a destination.

I'm no longer a departure and I'm not yet an arrival.

But it's here I exist most.

I exist most.

I exist most.

2003

...and...

and suddenly i am struck with an optimistic dagger

when i remember where the light switches are

and i slowly begin to awaken from a dark sea of dreams.

i remember it's september and that the frost that soon hits 

the ground won't hide it, just grace it.

(and when december comes i won't hide from it,

but grace it as well and wear my biggest crown on 

the twenty second.)

don't stop the momentum you've just built

i couldn't think of another possible card to play

or word to say.

and i know you can't either.

when we've restored to night after night

of the same bleary sea of dreams.

of darkness...

that swallowed our souls and spat out our hearts

and we couldn't hold on as they drifted away,

under the waves, under the stars.

but in any element, 

in any vastness,

they find their way back.

no matter how tattered, no matter how torn.

not a piece is jagged when they reconnect.

so run with this, let's run with it

and place it behind us and look ahead

not to the future, but up,

to the now, to the stars.

and remember what is and speak without words,

but only with our eyes.

and leave a trail of fire behind us.

burning.

and move faster than the speed of light.

and when we're old, read our story in the sky, 

thought up in constellations, 

and when we are gone, smile from above,

down on those then,

and breathe into them the story of us.

so reach to me now, today,

through a voice, through a start, through a feeling.

swim with me and run with me and save me

when we're drowning and help me to find shore.

beside me in the sunshine, in the lightning, in the night.

and rest with me.

and breathe with me.

and know with me...

2003

The Bride

you left me with a ghost dress

and my love for you grows less than less

it seems this dress belongs to me

and yet it isn't meant to be

2003

So

so it's done

our time has come

get suckered into

fucking someone new

weed me out

forget me fast

while i work on suppressing you

2003

Sky Writing

you look to the stars

and that can't be

because it's written there, 

you and me

your anchor hasn't moved away

it thought you didn't want to stay

i'll help you up so you can see

show you the way

right here, with me

no need to cry, no need to fear

let me be your strength my dear

a lovers bond we can rebuild 

if it's still the love you feel

2003