Attempt

I want to write a poem but I don't know how.

I've never held a pen let alone formed a thought in my head.

I'm supposed to tell you how I love you

But I don't know how to feel it let alone say it.

Maybe it's because I just can't be.

I'm a drifter, I'm a nomad, 

I do not know my heart and I cannot be tamed.

I cannot keep it simple, I walk in contradictions 

and I am laced with chaos. 

So naturally, as anything I do, 

this is feeling forced.

I don't even know where I fall into 

a beginning or a middle or an end.

I want to see you all day long and when you're finally here 

I think about all that is not 

and how I should be repaid for my 

incessant worry that you'll never know.

I think how I saved your life one week ago today 

literally, physically, I held onto you, 

wrapped you in my arms as best I could 

as you lost consciousness and almost all breath.

I stayed by your side 

and still I stay 

I don't know what to do with this.

I still cannot process you.

It's 2:34 in the morning.  You are here.

But all I can do is sit and wait 

and jump at every breath 

and watch you sleep.

2002